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Words Unspoken

Sometimes the words unsaid are the best words you can speak!

Thank you for judging me!

 Judgment is an ugly word, but what is nastier is that people will judge your parenting for stupid reasons. Before I became a mom, I judged other parents that could not control their toddler screaming in the store. Let’s not forget the ones who breastfeed in public. What an atrocity! 

I was an ASSHOLE! 

 

I was also a young kid with no kids of my own so I did not know first hand the struggles it took to parent children. I am uneducated when it comes to motherhood. 

 

Let me tell you how much that thought has made an 180-degree turn since becoming a mom nine-years-ago. When I see a mother out with a child who won’t behave. Or another one whose child is throwing an all out temper tantrum in the middle of Walmart. I smile and think: Thank GOD that is not me!

 

I have no clue as to what I am doing as a mother. I’m clueless to how to handle tantrums or how to handle the messy, busy life of a mom to say the least. MOST DAYS I CAFFINATE AND HOPE I KEEP THEM ALIVE. 

 

It’s true, most parents know what I mean by this statement. Mothering children is a hard job and it’s even harder if you have kids that have special needs. I got judged because my ODD daughter was failing the second grade. This year she was held back because she did not want to follow directions and do her work. Somehow that became my fault. I also got judged because my three kids are not always well put together. Apparently, we all need to be rock stars. 

 

I call bullshit because kids are the dirtiest objects any parent will find in their household. I can bathe my kids one night and in that same night, they will look homeless. We didn’t even go anywhere. 

 

I also got judged on my kid’s behavior, and do not even get me started on the unsolicited advice I get from other parents who only have one child. It’s really annoying. Nine years later and I still do not know what the hell I am doing so I doubt a mother with a one-year-old knows exactly what she is doing

 

We can all sit and say we know all the rules and have the complete handbook on child rearing, but the truth of the matter is; all moms are lost. We are most scared of admitting it because when we do we admit we are not perfect. 

 

Where the shiny things are!

So many people told me that having girls would be all glitz and happy smiles, but no one ever, ever told me about the shenanigans that will come with bows and piggy-tails.

If there is something shiny my girls will find it.  They know where the shiny things are.

Glitter, nail polish, crowns, and diamonds. You name it, they will find it.

Now let me tell you a story of all things glamorous…..Well to my girls it was. To me, all I saw was a mess.

Some how they managed to sneak nail polish and glitter out of the bathroom and were on the side of my daughters bed painting their nails, legs, hands, and even their eye brows.

I walked in them room to find my sweet, innocent looking girls glamorized. Not the kind you see in Hollywood movies but more compared to big foot if he were to do someones make-up or nails.

Head-to-toe they were covered in glitter just tracking it along my house.

I was irate when I saw the mess I had to clean. Afterwards, I made them go to their rooms and get a timeout.

As I sat in my room I started to realize girls will be girls they know where the shiny things are.

It’s like a instant attraction. Men are to football like women are to all things pretty.

My girls are nothing short of what little girls should be. I can’t be mad at them for exploring their natural instincts.

They love all things shiny as a girl should.

YOLO: Because I can!

We all know that saying, “YOLO.” Today it’s been a popular saying among many teenagers and the young generation. It means you only live once. 

And I think it’s an amazing saying.

That fact is that we only do live once. We have one life to live and should we live that life trying to impress others or worry we are going to offend others.

Hell no! I would rather YOLO my life to my liking and not by the government or mommy shamers standards.

These days as a parent we have to worry about not offending others in the way we parent our children.

We have to worry about posting too many photos of our kids.

We can’t breastfeed but there’s porn all over the internet.

Forget posting our kids are bad and we need a break–you will become a horrible mom.

It’s just too much to live up to. It’s hard being a parent let alone trying to please the world.

Excuse me when I say this but screw the world. I want to please my kids that’s all the opinions I need in my parenting skills.

Am I the best mom in the world? Yep, in the eyes of my child. To others, I’m a screw-up, and that’s the way I wanna YOLO.

 

Scars remain to remind!

Last month I managed to walk into the banister. I got a huge scratch on my side and today I have a half circle scar. It’s funny how those scars that stay seem to remind you of certain days. You go all your life through the motions, through the days, through the moments, but those that remain are the scars that imprint on your body, heart, and soul.

Sometimes those scars, those memories are the ones you want to forget. I have many. I have so many could’s, would of’s, should of’s. Until the day I decided I wanted to turn those “I should have done this.” to “I did it.” There came a time when I needed to stop regretting my past and face it. I’m no where near perfection, but who really wants that.

I want in life a love that’s simple, practical and can own up to his past. I want to mess up so I know I can make it better.

I want my own kids to see Mommy mess up so they know sometimes losing is gaining.

I want to work hard for where I am. Having everything handed to me will only make me weak.

And strength I know. Which brings me back to my scars.

Because of my past I learned so many lessons. I’ve been through more bad than good.

What’s amazing is I didn’t let things like being a victim of Molestation stops me from smiling, I didn’t let my ex control my life anymore.

Once I gained back that woman I was before I met him. I am unstoppable.

Once I stopped being scared and started getting real about my past, I wasn’t afraid to laugh, to open up to someone new, to feel like I can deeply love again. And to feel like I can take my past and use it to help others.

Your scars either on your hand, arm or in your heart don’t have to be a burden. God will take care of those himself, he will hold that on his shoulders just like he did when he died for you.

They may remain but only to remind you of how strong you really are.

-Cheri

Finding your way to rest!

I woke up late this morning, tired from putting in three to five hours a day studying than taking care of life its self. I guess my body knew I needed the rest. Sometimes I can’t find that time to rejuvenate myself through out the day. Even with three kids in school it’s still hectic and busy.

I found that little things like a bath, devotions or laying in bed with my music on blast can help me gain back the much needed time I need for myself.

So here’s a simple list I want you to follow:

Pause, refresh, and look.
What do I mean by this well it’s really simple.

Pause what your doing: take time to stop and do something for you be it ten minutes or thirty.

Refresh your body and soul: find something you can do for you not for your husband/boyfriend, child, or even the neighbor. Remember you can’t be supermom to anyone if you do not take out time to care for your own needs.

Look for ways to refresh: You may want to try baking something new or learn to sew. I’m not saying go all evil kenevil, but walk outside of your comfortable zone and recharge.

Here’s a simple list of the things I enjoy:
1. Texting a friend.
2. Taking a hot bath.
3. My music at night while I sleep.
4. A hot cup of coffee.
5. A good book.
6. Writing on my blog.
7. Devotions.
8. Facebook (yes, Fb) (I love reading posts)

I’m sure there is more but it’s my simple list and just simple things that help me refocus through out my days.

So pause, refresh and look.

We all need down time ESP those special moms that can get lost when they need to be found.

-Cheri

When all else fails…..Believe in you :)

Each day I wake up and get my morning coffee, read or study and take in some time with God.

Maybe, to others this is not much.

But for me, It’s my daily mantra to help me get ready for the day and connect with my lord.

Just asking questions, talking and spilling out my mistakes, hopes, fear, wants, needs and prayers. I can let go of those things that are deep within a woman’s soul.

Sometimes I look to others to lift me up when I don’t really realize, I forget. I have that power to lift myself up every day. I have more strength, more burdens, more struggles than most realize, but sometimes I focus on what I want to see, and what others see about me are the things I never notice about myself.

I’m not a chef, but I can cook.

I’m not a teacher, But I can help my son learn a new word.

I’m not super mom , But I can do school and take care of kids.

I’m not a therapist, But I can inspire people.

I’m not a care giver, But I can take care of my special needs child.

I’m no where close to perfect, But in my kids eyes I am.

I fell alone, but I’m not.

I have connections from doctors to therapists to family, to other moms struggling with the same things I go through each day and face. The moms who know what it’s like to have been there done that. Who have given in to just get a screaming child to be good for five more minutes. Those moms who have cleaned all day just to have a messy house by three. Those who have a child’s foot in their face every night because their five year old is scared to sleep in their own bed. Those that feel like they are failing in the eyes of their children. Who have the moments of losing it at the drugstore.

Those that are insane, lost, a puzzle piece missed, exhausted, stressed. Those moms don’t see in them what they are worth, just like I can’t see the strength I have each day to just get out of bed and face my inspirations. and I love my kids. Somedays it’s a struggle.

Given I am a single mommy doing the work of like 100 peaople wrapped into one……I am not alone. I have some of the best people in my life.

Believing in me is hard…..but knowing I have people beside me to pick me up when all else fails…..is worth it.

and most of all I have God to always hold me up in the times I forget to see my own strength.

I always loved the saying “God gives those special children to those that are the strongest.” and by those words I know I can handle anything. 🙂

Autism and safety!

A few weeks ago we took a trip to Chicago and Isaiah was in the playpen at my sister’s house, he decided he was going to learn how to climb out of it. and he did! A few weeks go by and he forgot. but the other day he finally decided he was going to escape once and for all. I was giving the girls a bath as he sat in his crib waiting for me to get him. I hear “mom” from the other room and said “hold on bud.” I than glance at the door and he is standing there and just says “Bath.” I ran to the door looking for someone, thinking maybe uncles were playing tricks on me, but nope; no one! He got out on his own.

So next step is to completely make the house safe for a very special boy. This is so exciting that he is overcoming his fears but so completely scary that he may hurt himself.

I have always used the crib and playpen as a safety zone, when he is in one of his melt downs or hurts his sisters, he goes there for cool down time. But now I have to re-evaluate everything. I need a safe room and a whole new plan into the care for my son. I knew this day was coming and I want him to grow as an independent boy. But boy am I scared.

Everyday there is a tantrum and most of the time he will lash out and throw something. Somedays are easy, but most are tough. So I guess it’s like every other milestone we must just take each day step by step, keep our faith that we will get through this and just go for it.

Forgive me for my rudeness!

The other day I decided to take isaiah, Tia and Kayleigh to the park, we stopped at the small park near a church by us. There was a boy and his mother there playing, so I got Isaiah out of the car and headed to the park so he can have some one on one play with me. The other boy was off doing his own thing and we preceded to the slide as Isaiah is sitting up at the top of the slide the other boy grabs a handful of gravel and runs up to the slide starts by putting them down the slide as his moms screams “No and says his name.” She then describes his name, age and tells me he is Autistic. I said that’s ok so is my own and we exchanged a few words after the boy pushes Izzy down the slide which I was completely understanding about but my next reaction made me seem like a very rude woman like I could not tolerate her son’s problems, like I didn’t want the boy around. I left the park! and none of the above was part of my reaction.

As a special needs mom I understand the trouble with my son making friends, with people staring, with rudeness, with an attitude because my son has hurt another child than having to describe that his condition he can’t control and I knew the boy can’t help his behavior. I left so that the boy can have the park to himself. Autistic children love independent play and aren’t very good in social situations, I knew us being there could upset him and put him into a tantrum. So I told Isaiah we would let this boy have the park to play with the pebbles and to do what he want’s, Isaiah got upset with me as we left because he, himself did not understand why we left.

We left in a hurry and I felt horrible that woman probably thought I was a jerk.

So I ask lady at the park, please forgive me for the way I handled that situation. I see your son and the way he plays, I too go through that every day. I feel the pain you feel to see your son not interact with other kids, I also secretly cry because others can’t understand my pain unless they too go through it. I know how overfilled your heart is when your son does something incredible but he can’t find those words to express his excitement, he has no words at all. They are all there backed up, but he can’t open his mouth, basically unable to breathe like he is taped down. I see your exhaustion as you hurried up the steps to stop him from doing something because you have done this at least a hundred times in a day, every day. I saw how you were apologetic to me as if you were trying to compensate yours sons behavior. I see how flustered you felt. I know how hard it is to find out you went ten steps back when by now you should be 20 steps forward. I know how hard it is dealing with ignorance from those that don’t know what autism is. I see you smile when your son was having fun. I know the guilt that comes with having to stop him from something he loves. I UNDERSTAND! your life is mine, fast forward five years. your heartache is mine, your exhaustion is mine because even in public you can’t take a breather, always on your toes , walking each day with that love in your heart but pain overcomes it because you love your child so much but can’t do a thing to change it, erase it or block it out of your life. I see all you see and feel all you feel. Please understand I know what’s in your heart, your child! His needs, his feelings, his heart, his love, his obstacles, it’s only him. If you read this I apologize for my rudeness. I can’t say it enough and one day if we ever meet I would gladly stay and play right besides you in a park once again.

Sincerely, a special mom like you.

 

 

 

Today was a great day. The kids went shopping with me, we had lunch and spent the rest of the day at home. We finally got to do the cake for “baby” and the look on my daughters face was priceless as we sang happy birthday to a imaginary friend. We had a good day but with all good comes some down falls. My daughter Kay fell ill and threw up but minutes later she was back to herself, maybe just something bad she ate that didn’t agree with her. Then as I was putting the cake away, it completely slipped off the platter and onto the floor I just stood there in total laughter, could barely contain myself.

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Today was anything short of eventful that’s for sure. But why laugh? Have you ever got to that point where you were so stressed? So out of control? Felt as though your world was falling through? That’s how I felt for the last couple weeks. So a dropped cake was the hammer to break my chain that’s been holding me hostage for so long. It was funny but it was fun, it was a surprise, an accident but it happened. I could have yelled and been mad at myself, but instead It helped to let go of so much stress the moment that cake fell. My life is like a cake, there’s a layer of sweetness but underneath I’m a mess, a beautiful mess. It looks so good to people on the outside but on the inside all I am is ingredients for disaster. My life isn’t simple by any means and I don’t ever try to portray someone I am not.

Even after my son threw a hard doll at my cousins face today and busted her lip, poor thing! I have to constantly remind myself my life isn’t easy. It’s not like anyone else, it has laughter, heart, love, anger, frustration, a special needs child who doesn’t understand he hurt his cousin. And I am held accountable for showing him it’s not ok to act out in that manner, I am held accountable for my own life. Even with ups and downs it’s mine to live and no one can live it better than me nor do a better job than I can.

I was given the name Cheri by my mom but god gave me my three amazing children and no mom can mother them or understand them or even lead them to better actions than I.

Take the time each day to love all your life not just what others see, you know the cherry on top! 😉

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